What is this?

This is a combination of photography and just my diary. If you seek to know me, this is probably a good place to be.

05/03/25

Today was my escape. If you read my previous entries, you'd know how much I hate the city. However, on this day, I had no plans, and no one was home, so I ran as far as I could go, until I could breathe fresh air once more. 2 hours of walking to get there, and 4 hours of walking across wide open fields.

I find this picture particularly pretty. The day had started foggy, how I like it, but it sadly became more sunny as I got closer to my destination. When walking around the fields in my trenchcoat, I grew terribly hot, especially with my bag. Oh yea, on the way, I passed a trinket shop with all kinds of things and bought and old, heavy vintage carrier bag. It's thick and heavy, and especially uncomfortable, but I don't mind that. Nowadays, everyone wants everything to be as quick and easy as possible, it's so dull. Inconveniences and wasting time are what give life flavour. In my opinion, that is.

The entrance. I don't think I'd seen this many trees in one place in ages. I missed it.

A bridge I passed over. My first clear view of where I was actually going. What I'd walked for 2 hours for. It's not often I walk with a destination, there is a certain lack of thrill in staying on a predetermined task, but this time I didn't mind it.

I wish I could've seen this place in the fog.

This is where I had lunch with the magpies. I heard they're really evil, eating each other's babies. Even humans don't do that. Is that our parramater for everything? I wonder if the magpies see us building things and think "such a destruction of nature, even a magpie wouldn't do that." and maybe that's why no one ever understands one another.

This is what most of the landscapes looked like for me. I just walked, endlessly down a path. There were many runners, must be nice. I don't like following paths, but I had no choice.

I'm a bit jealous. I wish I could live in a dirt burrow in the hills. I wonder what does live here. I'd like to live as a kind of rabbit in the coutryside, but then there would be all the predators. Even the foxes are always getting run over. Maybe the only perfect existence is to be a rock. I'd be happy with that. I'd like to read Story of the Stone/ Dream of The Red Chamber someday. I started an audiobook version while embroidering, but realised it was the incomplete translation. They all are. I have to read it myself.

It was around here that a woman on a bicycle said hello to me. She was wearing a bright yellow coat, so I remembered her. I hadn't realised she was talking to me at first, and by the time I figured out how to reply, she was gone. I encountered her again later however, and this time, remembering her from the coat, I said hi first.

I thought she was just a friendly person, but it turns out that the reason she'd started speaking to me was that she'd been innexplicably worried about me. I assured her that I was fine and she left.

First I learnt that no one ever speaks to you for no reason. If I was ever going to make friends, I needed to give people a reason to talk to me. I still don't know what that would be. The other thing is just that I remembered in primary school, my mum was often working overtime even in my holidays, so I'd just cycle around the village or the forest. We still lived in the forest then. A kid started saying that the reason I was always wandering around alone was my mother didn't love me, and would work full time to get away from me. I wasn't exactly fazed by this, because I knew it was false, but more than anything I was confused as to why anyone would think that. Once people found out she was saying that they all defended me, and I was just as confused as before, but eventually everyone forgot about it. Still, there are often reasons I am remembered of the event, from people being worried about me due to something in that same vein. I'm more okay than a lot of people seem to think I am. I wondered if, rather than a mysterious travelling stranger, with my big leather bag and trenchcoat, I just looked like some runaway kid. And well, I guess I am in some ways.

I followed this road for a very long time.

The flowers seemed to bloom here faster than they do in the city. There were many of these and purple, or yellow ones. I don't know the names, though I'm a fan of flower language.

Very pretty.

A runner looked at me very strangely when I took this. The daffodil was actually broken and wilting, but it gave a good view of the sky. Everything can look pretty from the right perspective.

There are lots of these pictures of the hills, it's hard not to take them, but I feel a bit basic. I like finding dull or broken things and making them look beautiful, there's plenty of people to take pictures like these anyways, probably most of them. I don't see why I should feel any guilt in admiring beautiful things though.

I just wanted to take a picture of the strange circular shape of the branches, but I think a school was passing through. I regret not waiting for them to pass, but school trip groups are so slow... I didn't even think about it. I think I went on a trip around here too at some point, but they seem far more energetic than I'd been. I think I was 2 steps from my grave. It was strange to have walked about the same distance, yet felt far less tired. My hands were hurting more than anything from carrying the bag though.

Good cows.

Very good cows. I wanted to try pet them, but they were a little wary, so I just said hi and left. They were very cute. Some fog... Yayyy...... There were lots of these flowers in my old village. Hills. Finally, a wooded area. I'd walked to these parts thinking I could find the bus here, but turns out it's only one weekends and holidays, so I had to walk another hour.

03/03/25

Later walk. I tried to look for a hidden park my old friends took me to at 2 am one time but it seems to disappear every time I try to find it (and I have tried before), I guess everything looks different in the dark, but it is also fun to think of it as a magic dissapearing park. Finding it on a map would ruin the magic.

I miss those days. I hope I can spend an entire all nighter outside one day. When I still lived by the forest, I'd often want to sleep out there under the stars, no tent or anything, just me, the forest and the night. That itch hasn't gone away, and I wish I had, regardless of what mosquitos bit me and spiders crawled on me. I think that's how life was supposed to be anyway, but we just really had to start building walls everywhere I guess.

The way my shadow moves is very pretty, particularly when there's multiple light sources and it splits into two overlapping each other. But I can tell I look stupid if I stare at it too long. I try to stay away from crowded areas, but there were so many people, even as I got further from the centre. I wish they'd go away. I wish to experience what it's like to exist alone in this world one day.

The sky was very pretty. Everything was quite sillhouetted.

Churches are so pretty... If there is a god, I am thankful to them for these buildings. Even in a dull, grey city, they bring a kind of special thing of times long past. No one gets rid of them, and they're maintained. If only more old buildings were treated like that, I might even go outside more.

Here's a good view of the sunset. Kind of. I love the rays of light, you'll see them a lot in these pictures.

The moon, again.

I really like this picture. The rays of the lampposts are so lovely and vibrant. I thought having a good camera would get rid of these kind of effects, but it seems to do the opposite. I'm glad.

This goes back to what I was saying about churches. Those huge spires alongside the dull cities seems to give me some kind of hope I can't exactly explain. I think I originally was taking this for the rows of cool lampposts, but it seems to be more. The bottom half of dull tired people roaming the darker end of dusk, and the lampposts and church spire reaching to the skies. I don't know.

I hate taking pictures with people around. I personally can't stand being photographed, so I try to avoid it in case someone else feels the same. Besides, what if I make eye contanct...

More lampposts, with such lovely rays.

I saw a random weirdly placed bench and wondered what it was doing there, before realising I too am probably somewhere I have no buisness being, so I took a picture of it. That reminds me of the end of Mercy by Rudy Francisco, my favourite poem.

"If I am ever caught in the wrong place

At the wrong time, just being alive

And not bothering anyone,

I hope I am greeted

With the same kind

Of mercy."

Then again, a bench is not a spider, and I am probably loosing it.

I don't know if I like this one. Not sure why I included it really.

In this picture and the last, you can just about see the unlit area of the moon. I don't know how that works, but it's nice.

02/03/25

I was wandering around the space between the main street and the ocean, as it's usually quiet. It was, unfortunately, unusually busy. It was very bothering. I saw a parking lot and thought it would be a cool view.

Even this high, everything is blocked by buildings. I wish to burn it all down. I hate the city. But i think the pictures are pretty alright, and it's fun having everyone ask me where i was when I took them. Also, climbing up 17 sets of stairs felt good. Closest to hiking I can get around here.

Everything looks so small and unimportant from up here.

This view would be so much nicer if everything was gone. But I guess if it was, I wouldn't have been able to get up here. Why do humans always wish to go up higher and higher? Skyscrapers, planes, spaceships... I recall it was originally to find god, but it seems the higher we climb, the more we neglect our own planet. Maybe, if there is a god, they are rather at the center of the earth, just under our feet all along. If so, they're probably dead. Crushed by the skyscrapers.

This picture is probably my favourite. I obviously took a lot more pictures than this, but these are the only ones I sorta liked. Like I said, everything was blocked by more and more walls of buildings. Why would they put them so close to the sea? Probably for more money from renters, I guess the poor only get to walk on the ground, where the rich can look down on them. Sorry for being so pessimistic today, it is a beautiful picture.

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